Summer Mode

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What I hope to be doing soon.

Summer is almost here in Alaska, although it snowed two days ago (thankfully it was just flurries). I will be moving into summer mode, posting every once in a while, but not necessarily at the same time every week. I intend to spend my time camping, fishing, hiking and playing with my family. Winter was long and we are ready to enjoy some time outside enjoying God’s unbelievable creation. Thanks for reading this little blog and I hope you’ll stick with me through the summer. :-)

Question for you: What special plans do you have for this summer?

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The One-Handed Post

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My sweet husband suggested that I title this post “The One-Handed Post” or “The Left-Handed Post” or “Debbie.” (If you haven’t watched Spongebob Squarepants, you have no clue about Debbie. You can message me if you want and I’ll explain.) At any rate, I am once again typing left handed while recovering from my second rotator cuff repair surgery in five months. The difference between this surgery and the last is quite remarkable. The pain is much less this time and my arm feels like all the pieces are in the right place. The first time, the pain was excruciating and it just felt wrong. I don’t know how else to describe it. This time I can squeeze my little ball all the way after one day whereas before I still couldn’t squeeze the ball after two months. I am cautiously optimistic that the problems are now fixed and I just have to heal. Waiting around doing nothing is not much fun, but at least I have some great books to read.

I may never know why God allowed the first surgery to be a flop. His ways are higher than  my ways and I am just not smart enough to understand. His perspective is much different than mine. But He had a reason and I learned a couple of things.

First of all, I discovered that I have been seeking God to make myself feel better. I am ashamed to admit that, but it’s the truth. It’s good to seek God and want to do his will, but my motives weren’t pure. I wanted Him to make things right for me, make me feel better, do something for me. It was all about me. That knowledge was convicting and I realized once again how desperate I am for a Savior.

Second, I discovered I am a total time waster. I can sit around doing nothing for hours and not even realize it. Facebook, email, blogs, etc. suck the life out of me and it’s time to start prioritizing and do the important stuff first. That will be easier said than done, I’m sure.

I know God isn’t finished with me yet, and I’ll probably have to revisit these same lessons again, but hopefully it won’t take another rotator cuff surgery to get through my thick skull. I am so grateful that “He who began a good work in [me] will carry it on to completion until the day of Jesus Christ.” (Phil 1:6)

Question for you: what lessons do you have a hard time remembering?

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In a Mood

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Last week I wrote about feeling dead inside. If you didn’t get a chance to read it, here it is again, Dead or Alive. We all have those moments when we’re in a mood. Life seems hopeless and we don’t feel like doing anything. The good news is that God didn’t intend for us to feel that way and He is more than ready to help us get out of our funk. Here are some steps we can take to do just that.

1) Seek God and ask Him to help you. Honestly, sometimes that is the last thing I feel like doing. When I’m mad I want to be mad. I justify my feelings and claim I have every right to be mad because somebody wronged me. It seems easier to seek Him when you’re sad or depressed than when you’re angry, but we need to do it all the time. When we are honest with God about our feelings, He will listen and minister to us. Read his word to hear what He has to say. He loves to encourage us. For more on that click here.

2) Write down your feelings and examine them to determine if lies are involved. If you feel totally alone, realize that is a lie from Satan. We are not alone. God promised never to leave us or forsake us (Joshua 1:5). If you feel like God has forgotten you remember Isaiah 49:15. Look up verses that refute the lies and memorize them. They are your weapons to fight.

3) Keep a journal of your prayer requests and God’s answers. We tend to forget how many times God has spoken to us and answered our prayers. If we have a list we can remind ourselves how powerful God is and how much He cares.

4) Talk to someone you trust. Talking about your feelings allows you to release and deal with them instead of keeping them bottled up inside. If you don’t release them, at some point the eruption will blow.

4) Get some exercise. This one seems obvious, but it’s the hardest to do. The physical and mental benefits of exercise are widely documented, so find the time to go for a walk, dance with your kids or play a round of kick ball. It doesn’t matter what you do, just get moving.

5) Get some rest. Another obvious one, but when we are exhausted everything seems worse than it is. I try not to discuss or even think about struggles late at night because I know my perspective is skewed and I’m not thinking clearly.

6) Praise God for his character and thank Him for what He has done for you. This alone will get our eyes off ourselves and onto Him. Praise opens the floodgate of blessing.

So, what does any of this have to do with parenting? Plenty. When we are feeling depressed, mad, sad or whatever, we are not being good moms. My kids avoid me like the plague when I have my panties in a wad. I can’t make good decisions and I certainly am not modeling Christlike behavior. Unfortunately, I take out my frustrations on the ones I love the most, so it’s better for all involved for me to be in a good mood.

Question for you: How do you get yourself out of a mood?

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Dead or Alive

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Sometimes I feel dead inside. I’m in a stupor in my own little world. I can’t engage in things going on around me. People talk to me. I respond, but I don’t really hear or grasp what they’re saying. I just want to crawl in bed and go to sleep.

I’m tired. Tired of worrying, problems, pain, the constant feeling of being overwhelmed, and the constant list of things to do that I’ll never get done.

I check Facebook and people seem so happy. They have no issues. Their kids are the head of the class. People respond to them and “like” all their posts. I feel more lonely than ever.

I see people at church and they look so happy. They have no worries or struggles, unlike me who seems to be in a constant battle. They are spiritual and have such a great relationship with God. He talks to them. They encourage others. I walk the halls at church thinking, “There has to be more than this. I should be feeling something.”

But, I still feel dead inside.

Where did we get the idea that as Christians we are “supposed” to be happy, living life with purpose, never having problems? It certainly doesn’t say that in the Bible. In fact, over and over it tells us to expect trials and sufferings. So why don’t we ever show that we are suffering? Why do we hide our problems and struggles from each other? Why do we pretend everything is fine and dandy when it’s not?

When we are fake with each other, we not only hurt ourselves, but our friends as well. They think we have it all together and they are the only ones with issues. All of us end up feeling isolated, thinking everyone else is perfect and we are the only ones who are screwed up.

Thank the Lord I don’t always feel dead. By His grace I often feel alive and have purpose and know He loves me. The truth is He always loves me whether I feel like it or not. What’s even more exciting is that He came to give life to our mortal bodies, the bodies we have right this moment. Romans 8:11 says, “And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you.”

Jesus came so that we would have not only eternal life, but also meaningful life here on earth. Abundant life. (John 10:10) Joyful life.

Yes, those times will come when we feel dead. When they do remember that you are not alone. We ALL have issues, feel lonely, depressed, defeated. But Jesus came so we don’t have to continue to feel that way.

Question for you: Do you ever feel dead inside? What do you do about it?

 

 

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A Life Well Spent

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John the Baptist’s mom, Elizabeth, must have thought she had failed. She might have felt worthless and forgotten by God because she couldn’t have children. She was an upright, good Jewish woman who followed all the rules. Her husband, a priest named Zechariah, was a faithful Jew as well. (Luke 1:5-7) So what had Elizabeth done to deserve the awful curse of not having children? She didn’t know. And she was now too old to have kids.

But then God stepped in and performed a miracle. Elizabeth became pregnant and gave birth to a bouncing baby boy. She was thrilled. This was no ordinary child and she knew it.

As John grew up, he began to have some bizarre ideas. Eventually he rejected “normal” life and decided to live in the desert eating honey and locusts. He wore clothes made from camel’s hair (Matt 3:4). He was a strange guy, telling people to repent and flee from the coming wrath (Matt 3:7).

I wonder what Elizabeth thought when her son announced he was going to live in the desert. Was she disappointed? Did she wonder where she had gone wrong in raising this child? Or did she understand she and John were simply obeying God?

What about Mary, Jesus’ mother? She was an unwed, pregnant girl whom people talked about behind her back. Joseph believed her story about the angel because one appeared to him as well, but those angels had not appeared to all the town folk. Yet, she believed anyway. She understood her baby was a miracle and raised him to the best of her ability. How did she feel when he gave up his life as a carpenter to roam about the countryside preaching and healing people and ticking off the religious leaders of his day? He was so busy and surrounded by people all the time that she couldn’t even talk to him (Matt 12:46).

She watched as her baby was hanging from a cross. This was NOT supposed to happen. Jesus was going to be somebody important, with a kingdom to manage. How could he be dying on a cross when God had promised all these wonderful things? Had she failed? Did she do something wrong?

How about you? You are raising your kids as best you can but sometimes they don’t turn out like you expect them to. They make mistakes or follow a path you would never have chosen for them. Does that mean you messed up? Does it make your life pointless?  Was wiping noses and bottoms all those years a waste of time?

Elizabeth lived a life well spent. She raised a son that prepared the way for the Savior of the world.

Mary lived a life well spent. She raised a son who died for the whole world and made it possible for people to have a relationship with the God of the universe.

You are living a life well spent if you are following God’s plan and raising those precious babies with all the strength you can muster. Regardless of how it might feel at the time or how circumstances might play out in the future, you are being faithful and doing the most important job on the planet. You go, Mom.

Question for you: What do you do when your kids choose a different path than the one you anticipated?

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Life is Awesome

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I had the privilege this past week to attend The Play of Awesome performed by the drama students at Grace Christian Academy, Anchorage, AK. Based on The Book of Awesome by Neil Pasricha, the play celebrated all the little things that make life worthwhile, like friends remembering your birthday, the thank-you wave you receive when you let a car pull in front of you, or peeling an orange in one shot. The play was a wonderful reminder we have much to be thankful for each and every day.

I tend to take too much for granted but I want to cultivate a life of thanksgiving. Here are a few things I am thankful for:

  • a perfect cup of hot chocolate with whip cream and little chocolate shavings on top
  • hot showers
  • slobbery kisses from my children
  • back rubs from my hubby
  • waking up in the middle of the night thinking it’s time to get up and realizing I can sleep for three more hours
  • sitting at my desk in a quiet house with an open Bible in front of me
  • big, fat, fluffy snowflakes
  • big, fat salmon on the end of my line
  • summer break
  • friends who love me even when I’m unlovable
  • my in laws (yes, they really are awesome)

I could go on and on but I want to hear all the little things you’re thankful for. Come on and share in the comments. We all want to hear what you have to say. :-)

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Overwhelmed

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It’s been a stressful two weeks. The dog ate a package of chocolate muffins and barfed all over the house, mostly on the carpet, for two days. After a $600 vet bill we brought him home and he threw up once more for good measure. One of the cats decided to pee on the bed creating lots of extra laundry I didn’t have time to do. We had a home study for our adoption. (I had to tell the social worker, “Please don’t step there. Don’t step there. The dog threw up there.” How embarrassing. A couple days later I had an MRI to find out why my shoulder hurts worse now than before my surgery. I had to reschedule two orthodontist appointments because they conflicted with said MRI. I had a dental appointment. The dog decided to eat three sleeves of Oreo cookies and we had another home study for the adoption. The cat peed on another bed. I found out I have to have surgery on my shoulder…again. I have to find a new doctor and deal with more approvals from insurance. I am overwhelmed.

I have wanted to just crawl under a rock and never come out, or have my husband take me to the back forty and put me out of my misery. I’ve reached the end of the road.

But even with all the craziness of the last couple of weeks, it’s been wonderful because of one thing, my Father. I don’t know why I tend to learn the most when things are the worst, but I do. Maybe I listen more closely to what the Lord is trying to tell me. Maybe I search for Him harder. Maybe I beg Him to speak to me more because if He doesn’t, I know I’ll die. Whatever the reason, He shows up in a powerful way when I need Him the most.

I will never cease to be amazed how God leads me to the exact verse I need to read, or the right song plays on the radio speaking encouragement to my soul. He’s awesome like that. He gives me hope.

Maybe you are feeling totally overwhelmed right now as well. Too much month is left after the money runs out. Your baby won’t sleep. The toddler won’t let go of your leg and you can’t get a moments peace. Everyone wants to know what’s for dinner and you don’t have a clue. The hamster died. You don’t know how to take care of your babies and your parents at the same time. Life is hard, but God wants to give you hope too.

When we feel overwhelmed we can turn it over to God. He sees us. He knows what our situation is. And He cares. I Peter 5:7 says, “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”

So, if God cares about us that much, then why does He let all this bad stuff happen? If He really cared, He wouldn’t let me suffer so much, would He? Actually, yes, He would. Back to my point about learning the most when things are the worst. God allows bad stuff to happen so we can learn more. He never wastes the bad stuff but uses it to make us better. He always has our best interest at heart and only allows things that will help us grow and mature and become more like Christ. His only son suffered terribly, but He overcame. If we share in His sufferings, we will also share in His glory (Rom 8:17).

God will allow us to go through more than we can bear. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. He certainly will allow more than we can stand, not to harm us, but so we will depend on Him. He will carry our burdens because they are too much for us. His strength is made perfect in weakness (II Cor 12:9).

Tell God what you’re feeling. Lay every trouble, fear, worry, regret and need at His feet and let Him take care of it for you. Because He cares for you.

Question for you: What do you do when you’re feeling overwhelmed?

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The Big “D”

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There’s a first for everything and we had one in the Parker household this week. The big “D”, a kid’s worst fear, every parent’s nightmare, the beginning of the end – a detention.

My youngest son was apprehensive. He hardly ate any dinner and didn’t want dessert. I knew something was wrong because he always wants dessert. He finally confessed he had received a detention at school. I reacted abnormally; I started laughing. This was not the expected reaction and my third born nearly fell out of his chair.

Honestly, I found it funny. My child was scared to death that I was going to flip out. He couldn’t have cared less about the detention itself. He was worried about my reaction and what kind of punishment he would receive at home.

A few years ago I would have flipped out. I would have started yelling and threatened to ground him for the rest of his life. But, I have mellowed quite a bit over the last 18 years of being a parent and my child is not characterized by getting into trouble. In fact, his teachers love him and sing his praises when we go to parent/teacher conferences. So, thankfully, I just laughed and later we talked about why he received the detention.

Turns out, a kid had been repeatedly pestering him over the last several weeks. He finally had enough and when it happened again, my sweet baby boy turned around and walloped the kid. Just for the record, I probably would have too.  Now I know there were more appropriate ways to handle this, but we all know in kid world, this was the most effective. I am NOT condoning fighting, but I also realize that I don’t need to get all bent out of shape at my child.

Here’s my point. When a child gets in trouble for something, we don’t need to react immediately, but take some time and analyze things. Ask questions like “Does my child usually act like this? What was the motivation? Are there circumstances that I don’t know about?” Too often we blow up without finding out the details and that doesn’t help anyone.

My challenge for you (and me) this week is to stop and think before reacting to a situation. Ask the Lord to help you understand and to give you wisdom.

Question for you: Have you ever reacted or jumped to conclusions before you had all the details? How did it affect your parenting?

 

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Top Ten Things Not to do While Parenting

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Well, it’s been one of those weeks when I have lots of fodder for a parenting blog. I screwed up royally with one child in particular and executed numerous other minor parenting infractions with the others. Thankfully, they love me anyway. I’m blessed that way. But, I did learn a few things and thought I would share them with you. Most of them we all know but it’s always good to be reminded. I just wish I didn’t always have to experience them myself. We tend to ignore those things we are familiar with, so I decided to go the opposite route and suggest what not to do.

So, here are my top ten things not to do while parenting. These are not necessarily in order of importance, I might add.

1. Don’t listen to what your kids have to say and under no circumstances should you ask them how they feel or they will tell you. Trust me, you don’t really want to know. Ignore their pleas and especially those sad eyes that fill with tears. Don’t give in.

2. Assume you know everything about their lives and what they are thinking. All kids are the same, right? So, your assumptions are spot on and your concerns are totally valid.

3. Never, ever, ever show affection. It’s a sign of weakness in their eyes and they will take full advantage of you after that.

4. A corollary to number 3, never tell them you love them. They might get the big head and think they are “all that.”

5. Don’t explain why you did something. You are the parent after all and they don’t need explanations. You need to train them to follow orders without question. Life is much smoother this way.

6. If they do something stupid and you’re really mad, I mean really, really mad, then take advantage of this perfect opportunity to let them have it. Use all that energy and level them with it. They’ll get over it eventually and they’ll be scared of you after that. Never take time to cool off and collect your thoughts, otherwise you’ll forget why you were so mad to begin with.

7. Blame them for the situation. They are ALWAYS the cause. You are a perfect parent and don’t make mistakes. Be sure to remind them of this.

8. Be sure you never apologize for anything. It’s always their fault. See number 7.

9. By all means do not read your Bible and seek the Lord. This will always get you into trouble. He never has anything good to say anyway.

10. Make sure they know that their behavior is going to drive you to drink. Wait, on second thought, maybe you shouldn’t or they might try to succeed. Instead, never pray! God might tell you something you don’t want to hear. You get that enough from your kids. They talk too much anyway.

There, I hope that helps with your parenting this week. Have fun.

Question for you: Do you have any tips on what not to do? Please share them in the comments. I’m looking forward to reading your suggestions. :-)

 

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Great Day for Up

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In honor of Dr. Seuss’ birthday I decided to write about going up. My kids and I always loved his book Great Day for Up. Disclaimer: this post will have very little to do with parenting but, oh well. Maybe I’ll figure how to tie that in at the end.

I had a number of things that I needed to do today. I didn’t really want to do any of them but they still needed to be done. However, today was BEAUTIFUL! I couldn’t stay inside. Days like this don’t come along very often in the middle of winter so my husband convinced me to take some time and enjoy it. Crystal clear blue skies, no wind, temps in the twenties and fresh powder just beckoned us to go hiking. So, we did. And we went UP.

We piled in the van and drove to Flat Top (a mountain about 5 minutes from our house) and hiked part way up. I can’t really do the scenery justice by my descriptions so I’m going to share some pictures instead.

Here I am sitting on top of the information booth. The snow was at least nine feet deep.

The mountain in the background is Mt. Susitna which means sleeping lady.

I don’t know how tall these trees are but only the tops of them are peeking through the snow.

It was indeed a great day for going up and I am so glad we did. Sometimes we get so bogged down in things we think we must do that we miss the majesty of the world around us. I don’t want to miss the opportunities God gives me to enjoy Him and His creation. I want to spend time enjoying my kids when those opportunites come along as well. (There, I tied it in to parenting. :-) ) Sometimes we need to take the time and go up.

Question for you: How can you go up this week? What can you do with your kids to make a memory?

 

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